"We're happy to announce the arrival of...""Dan in Real Life" and "The Family Stone"
are happy to announce
the birth of their child,
which weighed in at $34.1 million.
The proud grandparents are
"Meet the Fockers" and "The Wedding Crashers."
Present at the birth
was a great-grandparent, "Meet the Parents,"
in addition to several assorted distant relatives,
including "Pieces of April" and "Four Christmases"
and just about every other preditable film comedy about a zany weekend spent at the lavish home of a dysfunctional but charming American family.
Enough! Practice family planning already!